Intrigued by a friend's recent description of depression rates among various populations* -- in order, married men (happily or not), single women, unhappily married women, happily married women -- I picked up a book that's been in my "in-box" for a bit. It's Wifework by Susan Maushart. It's a quick read and quite interesting. Maushart describes the inequality that exists between marrieds in terms of housework, childcare, etc. (i.e., "wifework"). Incredibly, married women seem not to actually notice exactly how much more work they do than their husbands.
An interesting anecdote: in a study of housework habits, they found several men who not only insisted that the household contained certain appliances (e.g., washing machines), they claimed they were the primary users of the putative machines.
I found it all terribly amusing.
* This is actually related to law school; the description was in a case book.
*I* notice how much more work I do than my husband does. :)
Posted by: JCA on February 12, 2003 09:06 PMOne of my last conversations with husband prior to divorce:
Me: What is your role?
Him: Well, I take care of the lawn and I take care of the cars.
Me: What is my role?
Him: Um...
Me: Well?
Him: Everything else.
I was married for seven years. I worked the first two before we bought our house. I then became a housewife and stayed at home. I took care of all the housework and the majority of the yardwork. When my hysband finished his degree, a week later he wanted a divorce. In the divorce proceedings, he told me he was tired of me living off him for seven years. Obviously the seven days a week I spent cooking, cleaning, budgeting, doing laundry, and caring for the household and yard were of absolutely no worth. I wonder how much it would have cost if I had hired womeone to do all I did for me. If I had forced him to pay someone, could he have afforded it? I doubt it, but because I signed my name on the dotted line, I automatically became an unpaid servant. I will not make that mistake again and am adamant that I will never marry again. I keep telling my siginificant other that I refuse to get married again. Why would I voluntarily put myself through that misery again. This way, I can tell him that I am not his wife or mother and that he has to help out around the house too. I have learned to live with the dirt and if he complains, I tell him that it will be clean when he cleans it. Otherwise, I care for myself and I expect him to do the same. It works so much better than marriage. What I tell all the young women who are in my college classes, get a carreer first, be sure to be financially independant,then if you want children, you have a choice of whether you want to be married or not. Children and marriage are not necessarily exclusive to eachother. About 1/3 to half of house holds are single mothers. Whether they are married or not, they may end up raising children alone anyway. They might as well skip the middle man as they will end up doing less work than if they were married. Men drain time and energy from working women and mothers.
Posted by: K Pries on December 29, 2003 06:31 PM