What follows is a series of e-mail communications between a Skadden associate and support staff regarding reimbursement for meals on Christmas Day. For big firm associates, it really doesn't get too much worse than this.
These emails are currently being forwarded around -- I can't vouch for their accuracy, but they did contain a whole lot of confidentiality notices that I ignored entirely. I rearranged the email so you can read it straight through (instead of from the bottom up).
>>>Lena XXX 02/09/04 03:37PM >>>
Hi Xxxxxxxx,
As per the expense coordinator, Debra ---, the meals on 12/25/03 for $45.00 and the meal on 01/19/04 for $43.00 were not within the 10 block radius. Did you have these meals delivered to the office? If the meals were not delivered they will be reduced from your expense total. Please advise. Thank you and have a great day.
Lena XXX
Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom LLP
White Plains Office
(Phone Number)
>>>02/09/04 03:55PM >>>
Lena,
I believe that the January 19th meal was either delivered or picked up and brought into the office by me. Please let me know what restaurant that was, and I can confirm. If I am the one that picked it up and brought it in, THEN CONSIDER ME THE DELIVERY PERSON WHO DELIVERED IT TO THE OFFICE.
The meal on December 25th was god damn Christmas Day when I was stuck here, couldn't find a fucking restaurant in Times Square that (i) delivered, or (ii) had less than a 2-1/2 hour wait, and consequently was forced to venture outside the precious "10 block radius" to avoid starvation. Given the temperature that day and my belief that time was of the essence in order to get my work done, I did not, of course, walk ten blocks north of here, then scour every restaurant within your "zone" in order to find the one in which I could eat without losing substantial time. In lieu thereof, I went to a restaurant "outside your zone" that I knew to be open, had a meal and then returned.
Please advise me accordingly. In the absence of reimbursement for my meal on December 25th, I would appreciate your office having someone available this upcoming Christmas Day so that when I am stuck here, I will have someone to call for advance approval on a meal.
Kind regards,
-Xxxxxxxx
>>>Lena XXX 02/09/04 04:08PM >>>
Hi Xxxxxxxx,
As per my supervisor, Nancy ???, we will reimburse you for the $43.00, but not the $45.00 at Houlihan's. It is out of the area. Sorry for the inconvenience. Have a great day.
Lena XXX
Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom LLP
White Plains Office
(Phone Number)
>>>02/09/04 04:14PM >>>
Lena,
I appreciate your kind words. I am pleased to know that just when I think life has hit rock bottom, there is someone in White Plains to make it that much worse.
Kind regards,
-Xxxxxxxx
From: Xxxxxxxx@skadden.com
To:
Sent: Wednesday, February 18, 2004 10:37 AM
Subject: Fwd: Re: Expense report # 30238
David,
This is the kind of e-mail you want to avoid in order to not "get into trouble" at Skadden. I was actually told that if I had gotten on the phone and yelled this at the woman, then I wouldn't have gotten into trouble. My response was that actually, I drafted the e-mail, proofread it and then cc'd this woman's boss. Not good. . . my conduct is being "monitored."
-Xxxxxxxx
Lately I've been a bit uninspired on the law school front. (That was an example of my deadpan delivery.) It's been terribly boring darlings, and I do believe I've had it with the New England winters.
Fortunately I have been keeping myself and a few others amused at drink me, although I don't believe it was nearly as much fun as when Plainsman was around to provide a foil to my bizarre thoughts. So give it a whirl -- I promise it will provide oodles of entertainment value. And if you've a mind to become my next co-blogger, do drop me a line. Prior blogging experience completely unnecessary.
Every class has the law student that just doesn't get it. For whatever reason, such students cannot grasp basic legal concepts (or jargon). This week's episode of Monk features Rachel Dratch (of Saturday Night Live) in a fantastic performance as one of these bumbling law students. The episode isn't a great one, but if you've got the time, it's good for a few chuckles (especially the study group). The episode will be repeated tonight at midnight and Wednesday at 10pm.
Dear PITAs:
If you are still in law school, there is absolutely no reason to add a legal disclaimer (as commonly found at the bottom of actual lawyers' e-mails) to the bottom of yours. It makes you appear to be the smarmy uptight pain-in-the-you-know-what that you probably are.
And if there happens to be an actual reason (though I really can't fathom it), please confine its use to that purpose.
Love,
Alice
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Have you ever been in class and thought to yourself, "Damn! These people are such tools!"?
Please do us all a favor and wear your cleavage as an accessory, and not as an entire outfit. This generalized advice extends to sub-miniskirts and fishnets in freezing temperatures, as well as other clothing of a patently ridiculous and inappropriate nature. Certainly you might turn some heads, but clearly you lack the understanding that you have become a laughingstock. Attention is not respect.
Thanks to the Patriots, I have a completely valid reason to go party in the middle of the week (not to mention the weekend of fun and festivities that led up to the entire event itself)! Yay Pats!
On a less ecstatic note, the commercials were hideous. I am completely baffled at Bud's choice to pursue chimpanzees when they could have entered another installment in the American Heroes/Real Men of Genius series (you know, Wingman, Mr. Tiny Thong Bikini Wearer, and Mr. Chinese Food Delivery Guy, other examples here).
Those are absolutely hilarious. Nothing I saw last night from any company got anywhere near that level