Give eternal rest to my laptop, O Lord. It served me well through many a trying time. That little laptop, ever my constant companion, was a refurb, yet she always seemed brand new. She toiled ceaselessly in pursuit of better outlines and higher Snood scores. She grew heavy as my classmates bought featherweight laptops, but her weight served as a comfort. I lament her loss; yet forgive me Lord, I take perverse pleasure in knowing she was password protected and the sick bastard who stole her cannot disturb her everlasting repose.